Losing Control
by mlife2020
Summary: Final 2 chapters(12 n 13) up. Max remembers one more crappy thing that happened while back at Manticore. WARNING!!! rape theme. COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

**DISCLAIMER:  **I don't own a thing 

**SUMMARY:  Max remembers one more crappy thing that happened to her while back at Manticore.**

**TITLE:  Losing Control**

**Manticore**** 2020 **

_"How's the situation with 452?"_

_"Stagnant." Daryl Stuart answered._

_Thompson sighed.  "Has she tried to escape this week?"_

_"No escape attempts this week, but she's compensated by several acts of defiance, both verbal and physical, against the TAC leaders in charge of her unit. She's back in isolation for her latest infraction." Stuart reported._

_Garret Thompson leafed through the file on 452 once more while mentally debating on his next course of action with regards to the rogue X5. It had only been two weeks since the doctors gave the okay for her to return to training after her heart transplant.  He knew reindoctrination wouldn't happen overnight but he hadn't expected it to last this long.  X5-734 had been AWOL for almost as long as 452, yet 734 had been turned after three days of the reindoctrination protocol.  452 was subjected to the physical and psychoactive elements for a week but still did not succumb.  _

_"Sir?"___

_"Forgive me, Stuart.  You were saying."_

_"I asked if you gained any insight on how to deal with 452 at this week's convention."_

_"I did.  Dr. Jennings said we were doing everything wrong with regards to 452."_

_"How so sir?"___

_"We've been using the same methods we'd use on all of the X soldiers neglecting the fact that 452 has not been apart of Manticore for the past eleven years.  He suggested that instead of following protocol, we should design something absolutely specific to 452's personality traits.  I've already spoken to the committee about a new method.  They don't think it will work on 452. However, they are curious about how an X5, in general, will react to this method of torture so they've reluctantly agreed to let her be the guinea pig."_

_            The next day, Thompson surveyed the eight X5s standing at attention before him.  He reached for his mug of coffee and was a little surprised to see that his hand was shaking slightly.  He realized he was nervous.  The eight young men standing in front of him were not the cause of his slight uneasiness; it was what he was about to order them to do. _

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_Max' eyes flew open as she quickly sat up in her cot.  Her chest was heaving as she felt the ache of a scream that was struggling to come out but couldn't.  She pulled the covers to her racing heart and shivered.  Her body was bathed in sweat and her hair was matted to her face.  She slowly began to calm down as she took in her surroundings. She wasn't in solitary.  She was in her cell at Manticore.  _

_Max moved the covers off of her legs.  She stretched and bent one and then the other.  Both her legs were fine.  It was just a dream.  It had all been a dream.  A dream in which her leg was broken and she was in solitary but she wasn't alone.  She was with…She couldn't remember.  The more she focused, the more awake she became, and the more distant the dream became.  It was okay though.  She was pretty sure she didn't want to remember it anyway.  _

_Max looked around her cell again.  She hated it here.  She was sick of training.  Sick of following orders.  Sick of the food.  Sick of the smell.  Sick of being afraid.  Her brow furrowed at that last thought.  She was afraid.  For some reason she felt even more afraid of being here now than when she was a little girl.  That seemed odd, didn't it?  Max felt herself thinking about her nightmare again but she quickly pushed the thought aside.  She hated this bed too.  She quickly got up.  She didn't want to sleep anymore and to keep her from just lying in the bed until morning call she pushed the bed up and fastened it to the wall.  _

_After pacing around her small cell, she noticed a loose piece of metal on her bed frame.  She carefully pulled the piece loose revealing what could almost pass for a slim jim.  For the first time in a long time, Max' beautiful face fashioned a smile.  She then took the 'slim jim' and went to work on the cinder block beneath her bed._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_Seattle 2020_**

Alec rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"What?"  Max said taking notice of Alec's movements

"You look like you're about to detonate from excitement."

"Do not."  Max said doing her own eye rolling

"You shouldn't get your hopes up Max.  How many times has something gotten in the way before."

Max started to say something when Alec held up a hand.

"Yes, I know, I've been the thing that's gotten in the way before, blah blah blah.  Can we please move on?"

"That's not what I was going to say Alec."  It was. But he didn't have to know that. Max thought to her self.  "I was going to say that I don't have my hopes up.  Logan's the one who seems to think we have a good shot at curing this virus nightmare.  He sounded so happy. It was hard not to get a little drawn in.  But I'm not gonna get excited until the cure is pumping through my veins and me and Logan--"

"No more information is needed."  Alec said quickly cutting her off.

Max smiled.

The elevator door opened and an elderly woman entered ending any further conversation between the two X5s.

Max sighed as she recalled the phone call she had gotten from Logan earlier.

_"__Logan__, me hitting you back."_

_"Max, can you get over here right away?  Bring Alec too."_

_"Wussup."___

_"I found someone who can cure the virus."  She had almost dropped the phone when she heard what _Logan___ had said._

_"Really?"__ She spoke softly, almost on the verge of tears._

_"Yes, Max.  I'll explain everything when you get here."_

The elevator doors opening brought Max back to the present.  

Logan was predictably sitting in front of his computer when the duo walked in.  

"Well."  Max said 

 "Well hello to you too."  Logan said as he turned to face them with a grin.

"Logan."  Max whined.

"Okay."  Logan said, his voice almost giddy.

Alec rolled his eyes.

"Since Manticore was destroyed, I put out word on the informant net for anybody who came across information on that place to let Eyes Only know; particularly, if they came across any scientists or doctors that worked there."

"You found one."  

"Not exactly.  This guy claiming he had inside information on Manticore reached out to an informant of mine.  I set up the meet last night. Turns out he's an X like you two."

"What's his bar-code?"

"698."

Max shrugged.  

"I know him.  We were in the same unit."  Alec said offhandedly

"Can he be trusted?"  Max asked.

Alec shrugged.  "What did he want?"

"He wants my help in rescuing a "friend" of his."  Max raised her eyebrow so Logan continued.  "While in Manticore him and one of the doctors had sort of an intimate relationship.  When the placed burned down they were separated.  He's been frantically looking for her every since they got out, afraid that someone from the cleanup committee will kill her because of what she knows."

"Sounds like it was more than just banging the gong."  

"He didn't go in to detail but I could tell by his voice that he was pretty much head over heels.  Anyway, he found out that she was staying with her sister's family here in Seattle.  However, by the time he went to go see her it was too late.  He arrived just as she was being nabbed by a couple of guys in a black van.  He followed them to this compound."  Logan handed Max a map along with a few other pictures from the site.  "He figured they must need her for something because they brought her there instead of just killing her.  I did my own digging based on what he told me and I found out that—"

"They're not Manticore."  Max said as she studied one of the photos.

"Exactly."

"How do you know."  Alec asked.

Max showed him a picture.  It was a close up of one of the men taking the doctor into the facility.  His back was to the camera.  But Max didn't need to see his face to recognize who he was.  She pointed to spot on the man's neck.

"What?  He got his neck pierced."  Alec said 

"No that's an implant used by the South African government.  These guys are known as the red series, and they are some bad asses.  This implant makes them super strong and unable to feel pain.  So for six months they're basically fearless, indestructible warriors."

"What happens after six months?"

"Implant kills them."

"My guess is they still haven't perfected that little side effect so instead of going after a Manticore prototype like before, they're recruiting the brains behind the brawn."  Logan contributed.

"Like before."  Alec said contemplating.  "You were the one they went after."  Max nodded.  "You said they were indestructible. How'd you beat them."

"Long story and it's something I'm not about to do again."

"Max, if we rescue this doctor she can cure the virus, Quincy is positive about that."

"Quincy?"  Max and Alec asked simultaneously

"That's what 698 is calling himself."

"Oh."  Max and Alec again.

"Logan, do you really think the two of us can take on a whole facility filled with Reds."  Max asked in a defeated tone.  Alec was right.  She did have her hopes up about possibly finding a cure.  Now she felt her hopes ebbing away.  What good would a cure be if she got killed trying to obtain it.

"It's not as hopeless as it seems, trust me.  First off it won't be just the two of you, Quincy will be there too.  Secondly, the whole facility is not comprised of Reds.  There are twelve of them and I have the map that shows each of their positions.  I can hack into the compound and steer you around any obstacles.  I even know where they're keeping her."

"How did you—"

"Max, do you really think I'd risk your life just for this cure.  What good would it be if you're dead."

Max could see how badly Logan wanted this.  She wanted it too but she almost died the last time she went up against these guys.  Was it fair to risk Alec's life for something that benefited him in absolutely no way?

"It's up to Alec."

"What?"  Both Alec and Logan exclaimed at the same time.  Neither man had expected her to say that.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I can't do this without your help. It's dangerous, Alec.  You need to know what you're getting into if you decide to do it."

"Tell me."  Alec said smugly as he crossed his arms over his chest.

            "It's kind of a long story.  Do you mind if we raid your fridge while I tell it?"

            "Go right ahead."  The two headed toward the kitchen.  "Quincy will be here in about an hour.  Hopefully you two can make a decision by then."  There was a slight edge in Logan's voice as he said those last words.      He had been ecstatic about the idea of finding a cure.  He hated the fact that it all hung on whether or not _Alec_ agreed.

            ****

"I guess Manticore must have found a way to remove it when they recaptured me."  Max said.  They fixed sandwiches while she was telling Alec the story of the Reds.  By the time she was done they were each on their second sandwich.

"Gotta love those clever bastards."  Alec said with his patented smirk.

Max put the rest of her sandwich down, suddenly losing her appetite upon remembering being recaptured. A knock on Logan's door interrupted the awkward silence that would have followed.

"Guess that's Quincy."  Max said her tone now** melancholy.  Alec noticed but didn't comment.  "So you gonna do it."  She said more animatedly.  **

He was always going to do it.  They had worked together so much in the past for one cause or another. He'd forgotten he had a choice in any of their prior projects. Probably still use to following orders, it never occurred to him to say no.  Today was no different, but she had made it different by actually asking him.  What's more, she had asked him because she knew he could get hurt.  He could even stretch it to conclude that she actually cared what happen to him.  She was still waiting for his answer and he had planned on making her suffer by being obnoxious and making her beg, but he had to admit he was a little touched over the fact that she cared about him.

"I'll do it."  He said simply.

"Thanks."  She responded just as simply

"Well I'm gonna go say hi to my old buddy _Quincy."  Max gave a slight smile at the way he said his name.  _

"I'll be in as soon as I clean up."  Max said rising from her stool and heading for the sink.  Hopefully, soon this won't be necessary.  Max thought as she vigorously scrubbed all traces of her from the cup she drank from.

Max decided to let her apprehension about the up coming mission be replaced with the excitement of finally getting a cure.  She allowed herself to be happy and almost skipped it to the room with the guys.  But apparently some force in the universe did not like seeing her happy because every joyful, hopeful, elated feeling she was having was stripped away the moment 'Quincy' faced her.

Max felt her heart plummet into her stomach.  She couldn't breath.  Logan, Alec, the room around her all disappeared and all she saw was Quincy.  An instant later, it wasn't just Quincy anymore.  She saw the faces of several other guys. Max felt her body beginning to tremble.  She didn't want to look at him but she couldn't turn away.  She was frozen in terror.  Part of her subconscious was already reflecting on the situation and was amazed that one person's face could bring a memory complete with emotions and sensations crashing into the fore front of her mind, drowning everything and everyone else out. Max didn't know she had been inching back the whole time until her back banged into the wall behind her.  This jarred her from her stupor. 

"Max!  Are you okay?"  Logan asked for the millionth time.  

Max jerked her head sharply to the voice in her ear.  Logan was standing next to her.  She hadn't realized he moved all the way across the room to her.  

"Max?"  He said softly when she finally looked at him.  She didn't answer.  Instead she turned and ran out of the apartment.


	2. 2

**DISCLAIMER:  **I don't own a thing 

**SUMMARY:  Max remembers one more crappy thing that happened to her while back at Manticore.**

**TITLE:  Losing Control**

(Author warning: there's a rape scene in this chapter)

Chapter 2

Max accelerated higher on her motorcycle, hoping to outrun the hidden memories pushing into her consciousness.  But it was no use.  The scenery she was zipping past soon began to fade away and she found herself back at Manticore.

_Max stood at attention in the center of a room.  Ten minutes ago she had been let out of solitary.  It had been standard procedure for her to recount her naughtiness and offer a list of reasons why it was considered naughty and how she would never give in to such naughty behavior again.  The first three times she had to go through this always ended up with her being thrown right back into solitary.  She didn't mind.  At least she got to be alone and avoided training for a couple of days.  She guessed they figured this out because the forth time she was ushered into this room, the list of offenses and instructions were simply told to her. _

_Ten other guards were also in the room with her.  Five were standing at attention at the wall in front of her the other five mirroring them behind her.  The room was quiet.  Finally Max heard the familiar click of the door, indicating the arrival of one of the TAC leaders assigned to reprimand her.  Max let her eye peek to the man entering the room.  That was a mistake.  She recognized him immediately as the TAC leader she had assaulted three days ago.  He was limping. Max bit her lip in an effort to contain her laughter.  As the TAC leader slowly made his way towards her, her whole body began to shake with the effort it was taking to keep herself from doubling over in laughter._

_          "Something funny 452."  One of the guards in front of her shouted the way a proper soldier should.  _

_          The laughter was forgotten as Max glared at the guard.  "My name is Max."_

_          "Silence 452!"  The guard shouted as he charged into Max' personal space. "You-"_

_          "Max."_

_          "452, I-"  
          "Max."_

_          "Listen here 452, you-"_

_          "Max."_

_          The guard's anger contorted facial expression was in stark contrast to Max' bored one causing the guard to further seethe.  He then backhanded her in an effort to remove the expression from her face.  He didn't get a chance to see what look she was now wearing because the instant his hand left her head, he found himself face first on the ground with her holding his arm painfully behind him.  Just as his shoulder was about to leave its socket, he felt the other guards pulling her off of him.  They had to use their sticks and tazers on her because Max had already made up her mind to try and take them all out rather than surrendering.  _

_          She woke up in solitary yet again._

          Max swallowed a lump forming in her throat as she continued to speed down the streets of Seattle. She hoped the swallowing action would also devour the memories that were continuing to surface.  But there was no such luck.

_She was lying on the cold floor with her arms acting as pillows behind her head.  She had been staring at the ceiling deep in thought for the past hour.  The hour before that she counted all the holes in the ceiling after she had spent the previous hour before that counting all the holes in each of the four walls.  The pain from the injuries she had sustained was mostly gone.  The only pain she now felt was in her stomach.  She figured she's been in solitary for approximately twenty hours.  She hadn't been given food or water the entire time.  This worried her a little.  The previous times she'd been in solitary, the longest she had been denied nourishment was only twelve hours.  _

_          Max heard footsteps approaching her cell.  _

_          "Finally," Max mumbled as she rose to her feet._

_          A few moments later, the door to her cell swung open and in walked a TAC leader that she had never seen before.  Eight X5s followed him. She didn't have to see their bar-codes to know they were Xs.  In addition to the similar garments they all wore including herself, she noticed that Xs had a certain air about them that was different from the doctors, TAC leaders, or other personnel Manticore housed.  _

_          "452," The TAC leader spoke. Max was about to say something but her hunger caused her to think better of it.  "We have an assignment for you."  _

_          "A what?"  She couldn't help it.  She had been expecting either a plate of food or for her to be ushered into that room again.  'An assignment' was the last thing she had expected to hear._

_          The TAC leader ignored the fact that she spoke out of turn and got right to the point.  "I'm going to walk out of this room and leave the door open behind me.  If you can get out of this room, you are also free to walk out of the front door of Manticore, so to speak."  She remained silent waiting for the catch.  "All you have to do is get through them."  He added nodding his head back toward the line of X5s.  _

_          "Oh that's all."  Max said sarcastically and rolled her eyes.  The TAC leader remained unamused.  "Okay, well do I at least get something to eat first." _

_          "No."  With that the TAC leader turned and walked out of the room.  _

_          Max was momentarily stunned by the weirdness of the whole situation.  What were they trying to prove?  Sure eight regular guys she could take on with minimal effort.  Shit, eight regular guys with weapons she was pretty sure she could handle too.  But eight X5s.  Maybe there was a catch.  Maybe this was a test on strategy.  Maybe they all were psychically linked and if she took out the right one they'd all go down.  Or maybe…more likely…they just wanted to give her a nice, good ass whipping for all the trouble she'd been lately and they were just waving the prospect of freedom in front of her so she wouldn't just roll over in the face of these impossible odds._

_          They were circling her now.  Then they each assumed a fighting stance.  Damn, these guys were serious. Max also took a stance as she tried to look everywhere at once while calculating the best method of making it out that door.  _

_          The one behind her advanced first.  The moment Max went into her fighting stance every fiber in her body tensed as all her senses became heightened.  She knew without looking that someone was coming at her; therefore, she easily avoided his assault by doing a back flip over him and landing behind him.  She sent him into another X5 with a powerful kick to his back.  She decided to take the offensive by attacking the X5s that stood between her and the door.  She didn't count on them playing fair and attacking her one at a time.  So while advancing on the two in front of the door she also had to contend with the ones behind her and on either side of her. She was inflicting some damage but they were inflicting a hell of lot more on her. In the end they had been too much for her.  She hadn't even gotten close to her goal before one of the Xs kicked her in the back of the leg causing her to collapse in agony.  She didn't have to look at it to know it was broken.  _

_          She knew victory was next to impossible but a very small part of her had clung to the hope that she might be able to beat Manticore at their own game by making it out. The door still stood open as if to mock her naiveté**.  **She was still staring at the door when one of the Xs went and slammed it shut.  _

_Max sighed in a mix of defeat and pain.  The pain mostly stemmed from her leg that was twisted in a funny angle.  She tried to reach down to her leg but winced as another wave of pain halted her.  Looks like I have a few cracked ribs as well.  She thought to herself.  _

_Something's wrong. _

_ This thought forcibly pushed into her head momentarily halting the pain that her body was radiating.  A second later, her mind caught up to her instincts.  They were still here.  She was down and the broken leg made it fairly clear that she was going to stay down.  Plus the door was closed. She assumed that action ended the 'game'.  Yet when she looked up they were all there staring down at her.  This time the circle she found herself in was tighter than before.  _

_          Max had every intention of staying down but her unease at this scene she found herself in caused her to roll to her side and use her hands to try to push herself up.  Instantly a foot flew into her chest knocking the wind out of her.  Max looked up in fear and surprise as they began to reach down toward her.  _

_          They're going to beat me to death like we did to that convict in the woods! Her mind screamed to her as she felt their hands begin to roughly pull on her.  In her panic, Max began to flail her arms and leg, punching and kicking, in an effort to try and ward them off of her.  Two Xs got control of one arm and two grabbed the other restraining her. The other soldiers then proceeded to rip her clothes off of her. Max' eyes widened in horror as one of the solders knelt between her legs while the others were on either side of her thighs holding her down.  _

_          NO!  Max' mind screamed again when she realized what it was they were about to do to her.  For some reason she couldn't get the scream to come out of her mouth.  Her shock at the situation she was in was too great. Even after the man in front of her thrust into her, she remained silent.  They all took turns but not a single sound or tear was issued from Max the entire time she was being violated._

_          Max heard footsteps approaching as she lay shivering on the cold floor in her cell.  The Xs had left a long time ago and she remained in the same spot they left her in.  She knew the footsteps were that of the X5s coming back to rape her again.  She didn't care though.  Let them come.  It didn't matter.  Nothing mattered.  She just hoped she'd be able to put her mind elsewhere until it was over.  _

_Max heard the door open and she shuddered and closed her eyes._

_          She felt their hands on her broken leg.  It didn't matter to her though.  Her body was so numb she could hardly feel the pain.  Next she felt herself being lifted.  It was then that she opened her eyes.  She was being moved to a stretcher.  It wasn't them in the room with her, after all.  She looked down at the doctor who was putting a splint on her leg.  When she finished, the other two medical personnel in the room lifted the stretcher and wheeled her out.  _

          Max didn't know how she ended up in front of her apartment building.  But she was glad she was.  She felt terrible.  She felt like every disgusting element in the Seattle air had settled on her clothing and body.  

Twenty minutes later Max emerged from the shower not feeling much cleaner.  She quickly dressed.  She then grabbed the brush off the bathroom sink and began running it through her wet hair.  Max paused mid stroke when she saw her reflection in the mirror.  Before she realized what she was doing she threw her fist at her reflection, shattering the mirror instantly.  Unsatisfied, she gripped both sides of the cabinet the mirror was attached too and yanked it off the wall throwing into the wall behind her.  She then went into her room and proceeded to overturn every piece of furniture as well as rip down every itemthat hung on her walls.


	3. 3

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	4. 4

Chapter 4  
  
Max emerged from her room as O.C. was turning on the stove to heat a pot of water.  
  
"Where are you going?" Original Cindy said when she saw that Max had her jacket on.  
  
"I just need to go for a ride to clear my head."  
  
"Max. Don't you want to lay down or at least have some tea."  
  
Max clenched her fist. The last thing she wanted to do was blow up at her friend for trying to help.  
  
"O.C., I'm fine really." Max gave a fake smile.  
  
"But Max you've been through-"  
  
"Cindy please don't coddle me." It came out harsher than she wanted and her friend recoiled a little.  
  
"I'm sorry. It's just that…" Max looked her friend in the eyes and despite feeling her tears begin to threaten she continued softly. "If you treat me any different or show me any kind of pity because of what I just told you, I swear, I'll never speak to you again."  
  
O.C. stared back at Max and saw her friend desperately trying to keep it together.  
  
"No doubt." She finally said just as softly as Max had spoken.  
  
"I'm fine. It's no big deal really." Max turned away from O.C. and began wheeling her motorcycle towards the door. Before she walked out, she turned back to O.C.  
  
"Thanks for…you know." Max said slightly nodding toward her bedroom.  
  
"No problem Boo." O.C. said with a small smile that disappeared the moment Max walked out of the apartment.  
  
  
  
AN: That was short wasn't it. 


	5. 5

Chapter 5  
  
Max had planned on taking a long ride but she didn't get very far. Her gas tank was almost empty. She'd forgotten how she had burned up the road earlier that day. So instead, Max parked outside of Crash and headed inside. This was probably the last place on earth she wanted to be. However she was desperately seeking a return to normalcy and since Crash was where she normally went this time of night she was going to stay regardless of whether she wanted to or not.  
  
"Are you all right?" Alec said into the phone.  
  
"I'm fine. Just tired." Original Cindy answered  
  
"Sure?"  
  
"Yeah." Alec thought she might be lying and even though he counted her as a friend, he thought better of pressing the issue so he gave her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, his reason for calling was kind of an urgent one.  
  
"Okay, well do you know where she went."  
  
"No. She just said she was going for a ride."  
  
"All right."  
  
"Bye."  
  
" Wait, did she…say anything to you?"  
  
Original Cindy held her breath. Boy, did she "Anything like what?"  
  
"I don't know. Anything. I mean, she has a chance of getting a cure for the virus but instead of being happy, she runs out of Logan's and disappears."  
  
Original Cindy's face scrunched up as she tried to match what Alec was saying with what had happened with Max earlier. It was too confusing. The only clear thing was that Max hadn't told Alec what had happened to her back at Manticore and she wasn't about to either.  
  
"She didn't say anything about that."  
  
"Fine. Guess I'll just keep looking. Bye"  
  
****  
  
Alec decided to try Crash again once he left Joshua's. Crash was the third place he checked when he began looking for Max after she first ran out of Logan's. He went to her apartment first and got no answer and then was told by Sketchy that Max hadn't been to work yet either.  
  
Alec dialed Logan's number when he saw Max' bike parked outside of Crash.  
  
"She's inside Crash." Alec said as soon as Logan answered.  
  
"Great, we're on our way."  
  
"Well, hurry. Cause if Max is still upset I don't want her taking out her wrath on me or any of my parts."  
  
Logan chuckled. "We'll be there shortly, Alec." He then hung up not waiting for a reply.  
  
"I wasn't joking." Alec muttered to himself, remembering the kick Max gave to his manhood not too long ago. "In fact, maybe I should just wait out here for her, just in case." If Max did decide to take whatever it was she was going through out on him, he'd rather she didn't do it in front of another large group of people. He was still a little embarrassed over how many people saw him get his ass kicked by a girl.  
  
"So you think if I dress up like one it'll help me get into their heads and I can figure out their next move." Sketchy said to Max.  
  
Sketchy and Max had been sitting at the same table for over an hour drinking and talking. Well, Sketchy had been doing most of the talking and drinking for that matter. He was two shots away from spending the rest of the evening bent over the toilet bowl.  
  
"Huh, Max. You think that'll work." Sketchy banged his shot glass on the table. "Max!"  
  
Max jerked her head up and looked at him. She had been tuning him out for most of the evening and had no idea what he was talking about. She figured it had to do with his latest obsession with tracking the mutants for his rag newspaper so she was pretty sure it would appease him by saying…  
  
"Yeah, definitely."  
  
"I knew it." Sketchy leaned back with a self-satisfied grin. "I'm going to get another beer, you want?" Sketchy added a moment later.  
  
"Know what, Sketch, I think I'm done for tonight. I'm gonna go home and crash."  
  
"K, Max. Hey and thanks for listening." Sketchy got up and stumbled back to the bar as Max headed towards the door.  
  
"You're not leaving are you baby." A voice came from behind Max as she was heading out the door. Not in the mood, Max decided to pretend she didn't hear whatever loser it was trying to hit on her and continued out the door.  
  
Too drunk to take the hint, he followed Max out continuing his spiel.  
  
Alec looked at his watch again. It had only been ten minutes since he'd called Logan, but he was starting to get impatient. He decided to go into Crash, alone, and at least get a drink. But the instant he made that decision, out walked Max.  
  
"Shit." Alec muttered as he dug in his pocket for his phone. He was about to press send when he heard the commotion across the street where Max was.  
  
Max had no problem ignoring the creep's lame come on lines as he followed her to her bike. It was when he grabbed her arm that she snapped. Max whirled on him with eyes full of hate. She grabbed him by the throat and lifted him off the ground, squeezing his neck as she did so. Max then threw him into a nearby fence. Even though he was down, Max proceeded to kick him and kick him and kick him.  
  
"Max! Stop! You're gonna kill him! Max!" Alec was trying to pull Max away from kicking the man, but she didn't seem to notice. Alec finally used all his strength to grab hold of her and shove her into the fence.  
  
"That's enough!" He yelled at her. Max still gave no indication that Alec was in front of her yelling in her face. Her whole body was shaking with fury and her eyes were blazing with hatred still focused on the man crumpled beside her. Alec took Max' face in his strong hands and jerked it slightly.  
  
"Max, look at me please."  
  
The 'please' is what broke through Max' catatonia. "Alec?" She said confused. Her heart rate and breathing slowly started to become normal as her anger dissipated. But it didn't go away completely before all hell broke lose again.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Logan asked as he took in the scene he just walked up on. Alec was standing in front of Max holding her face, and there was a bloody heap of a man groaning on the ground beside them.  
  
Both Alec and Max abruptly turned towards Logan. That's when Max saw Quincy standing behind Logan, and all her rage came roaring back. She pushed past a surprised Alec and leaped on Quincy with superhuman speed. They both fell to the ground with Max on top. She rained punch after punch on him without pause.  
  
"Come on! Fight back!" Max screamed at him as she continued to thrash him. "What's the matter, not so tough when it's one on one!"  
  
Logan recovered from the shock first. "Alec, do something!"  
  
"Max! Max! Alec rushed over and tried to pull Max off of Quincy. "What the hell is wrong with you," was the last thing that Alec said before finding himself thrown back several feet. Quincy took advantage of Max' attentions momentarily fallen on Alec by shoving her back and scrambling from underneath her. Before he could get up, however, Max kicked his legs out from under him sending him down again. This time when she was on him, she grabbed his throat. Max' face was a mask of revulsion as she began squeezing the life out of Quincy.  
  
"Please…I'm….sorry…We…we…following orders…so…sorry." Quincy choked out after trying unsuccessfully to remove Max' iron grip on his neck.  
  
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME! I HATE YOU! This chant kept screaming inside Max' head as she fought this man whose face brought back one of the most painful memories of her life. Logan's voice and Alec's voice were somewhere in the background and part of Max wanted to hear what they were saying. But the chant wouldn't let her. She was so angry. But most of all she wanted all the feelings that this man made her experience again to go away. She wanted the confusion, hatred, helplessness, shame, and worthlessness that were drowning her to go away. She thought that destroying this man would also destroy those feelings. She had to destroy those feelings because they went against everything she was. The fact that she could kick the asses of anybody foolish enough to mess with her gave her that confident walk she had and kept her head held high. She wasn't afraid to do or say anything. Nobody could manipulate or take advantage of her cause she'd always been at least three steps ahead without them even knowing it. Any given situation, she was in control and if she wasn't in control she could at least keep herself in control which usually turned out to be just as good.  
  
But that night they took away all her control and made her feel utterly worthless and insignificant. She hated them with all her being for substituting the spirit she once had with feelings of inadequacy and self- loathing. She was frantic to become her old self again. The only way she could do that was by erasing that night. She did it once at Manticore by pretending it had all been a dream. But now this man had made it real to her once again. She had to erase this man.  
  
Ironic really, because Manticore had designed me to be a killer and as much as I fought against that; turns out, I have to become a killer in order to become me again. I'm a killer. Manticore wins. Oh God!  
  
The thought caused Max to return to reality. The moment she had seen Quincy she had gone into a zone. Now she looked down at him. His face was red with both blood and lack of oxygen. She snapped her hand away and quickly backed away from him. Max looked around. Logan was staring at her in horror. Alec was slowly rising from the ground and rubbing his head. Behind Logan, another man was lying on the ground, groaning and on the verge of vomiting. No one else had come out or gone inside Crash. The entire series of events had taken place in a matter of minutes, but to Max it felt like hours.  
  
"Max, are you--?" Logan said quietly. He took a tentative stepped towards her.  
  
"I'm sorry." Max cut him off. Feeling tears brimming (she didn't know she had already been crying while bludgeoning Quincy) she turned away from Logan and ran to her bike. She got on and sped away before any of them thought to stop her.  
  
****  
  
Logan and Alec helped Quincy get up. They decided to leave the other guy Max throttled in his vomit.  
  
"I'm sorry, man. I've never seen Max like this before." Logan said as they headed to his car. Both Alec and Quincy remained quiet for the entire drive to Quincy's hotel room.  
  
"You know what's going on, don't you?" Logan asked Alec the moment Quincy had gone inside. They agreed to come by later after he had gotten cleaned up.  
  
"No."  
  
"Alec, the only time you're this quiet is when you're thinking about something painful. And painful usually has to do with Manticore. Both you and Max act the same way when you remembering something about that place. So tell me, why did she flip out today?  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Alec, if—"  
  
"Logan, I swear, I don't know. But I think you're right. It definitely has something to do with Manticore." Alec opened the car door.  
  
"Where are you going?" Logan asked surprised.  
  
" I'm gonna go look for her. If it's Manticore, I think she's going to need somebody to talk to that can relate." Alec ignored the pain in Logan's face of Alec having something with Max that would always tie them together.  
  
"Okay, but please--"  
  
"I'll call you when I've found her."  
  
"Thanks." Alec watched as Logan drove away 


	6. 6

AN: This is a fiction I'd never thought I'd write mainly because Max gets raped. I never thought something like that could happen to Max, but then I thought well why not. The more I thought about it the more I thought Max would be a perfect character to be a rape victim. A lot of times, I hear or read things that say how could so and so let herself be raped. That always annoyed me because rape has nothing to do with the kind of woman someone is. That's like saying if a crazy guy came into a store with 12 people and killed six of them, the six that got killed let themselves be shot. Nobody would say that, all the blame would go on the gunmen. So that's why I started this story as my way of illustrating how rape can happen to anyone and its not the victims fault because rape is about controlling someone else. The loss of control was my main theme, hence the title. That's why Max' loses control after remembering what happened to her and why I made her rape the result of some order from Manticore so that even the guys carrying out the order had no control. Okay end of sermon on with the story…  
  
  
  
Chapter 6  
  
  
  
Max looked at her hands and remembered how moments ago they had been around Quincy's neck. She didn't kill him so now the feelings she wanted so desperately to get rid of were still with her, surrounding her as she looked out at the city below. She hadn't killed Quincy because she thought that would mean that Manticore would win. Max took a deep breath as the sounds, smells, and sights of the city below faded as she began to remember the first time she realized Manticore had won.  
  
Manticore  
  
Max lay awake on her small cot in her cell. Morning call was a couple of hours away and Max found herself anticipating it. She hated being in this cell alone. She thought about asking some one in charge if she could be moved to the barracks but she knew things didn't work quite that way in Manticore. Action spoke louder than words. She knew she was a long way off from proving that she could be trusted to not try to escape or convince the other soldiers she came in contact with to rebel.  
  
Max touched a tender spot on her stomach and winced. She had been out of the infirmary for a week but her body hadn't completely healed yet. Max sighed as the minutes ticked on. The sigh then turned into a gasp as Max heard movement outside her cell door. Max pushed herself against the wall and drew her knees up to her chest in an effort to make herself smaller. She stared wide-eyed at the door, preparing herself for the worse. When the footsteps passed, Max let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She was really starting to get sick of this. Max had never been more confused in her life than she had been in the past week. Even more so than after she first escaped Manticore and saw the outside world for the first time. She was designed to be a soldier, a fearless, killing machine. Yet after one night of being humiliated by a bunch of guys, she was suddenly someone who turned into a scared little rabbit whenever she heard footsteps approaching. Since it happened, Max had tried to never think about that night again, but sometimes that was all she could think about. It stilled her to the point where the simplest decisions suddenly became hard. She remembered having to pee one night when she was in the infirmary. The bathroom was right across the hall, but Max couldn't bring herself to get up and go. Her mind argued back and forth with all the reasons why she should just get up and go and why she shouldn't. It was ridiculous. Finally she convinced herself she could hold it till morning and that's what she did.  
  
Ironically, the only thing that kept Max from succumbing to the urge to crawl into a ball and blank out, was the routine Manticore gave her. This was what she fought against since she got there but she found comfort in not having to think for herself for a change. So what all she had to do was say X5452 instead of Max when they asked what her designation was. She could handle that. So she had to keep her eyes front at all time instead of glaring at the TAC leaders when they spoke. That was fine too. In fact it was better, keeping her eyes front all the time kept her from looking into the eyes of those around her. She didn't know what she'd do if she happened to look into the eyes of one of the guys who had raped her. But still Max felt confused because these were all the things she was fighting against. By her following orders didn't that mean that they had won.  
  
The memory evaporated when Max sensed Alec's approach.  
  
"Mind if I sit." Alec asked when he saw that Max knew he was there. Max shrugged. Alec bent down next to Max. He drew his knees half way to his chest and rested his arms over them mimicking Max' pose. The two sat in silence for a while. Just two X5s staring at the broken city below them.  
  
"Look Alec, I really don't want to tell you why I flipped out today." Max said suddenly.  
  
"It's all right. I already know." Alec said tonelessly. His eyes still glued to the streets below.  
  
"You know?" Max hadn't expected those words to come out of Alec's mouth. Was it possible? Or was this some kind of trick to get her to tell him. That would be vintage Alec. But he didn't say he think he knew. He said he knew. They way he said it made her believe it. He was at Manticore. Maybe he knew all along even when she didn't know. "Know what?" She asked just to be sure.  
  
"You're the June 12th Project."  
  
"The what?"  
  
"I had been released from Psyche Ops two weeks afterwards. Like I said, Quincy was in my unit and some of the others were too. I heard a couple of them talking about it one day. I was still kind of out it thanks to my time in P.O., so I didn't pay too much attention. But a week later, I had to do research on Manticore's database for my next solo mission. I came across the project by accident. I hadn't planned on disobeying the rules and looking into it but when I remembered the way they acted whenever the June 12th Project was brought up, I had to see for myself."  
  
"You've always known what had happened to me."  
  
"No." Alec finally looked at her. "I didn't know it was you. The file never mentioned your bar code. It only said 'the subject.' 'The subject' has been less belligerent following the events of June 12th or 'The subject's performance in field command have been down since the events of June 12th. The subject's test scores in every area of military training have decreased dramatically since the events of June 12th despite her compliance with orders and decrease in disciplinary infractions."  
  
"We…were…following orders." The strangled voice of Quincy rang through Max' ears after hearing what Alec had said.  
  
"It was an experiment." Max said bewilderment in her voice. "They did that just so they could make a few fucking bar graphs." Max choked out the last sentence as the tears spilled from her eyes.  
  
Alec wasn't sure what to do. Without realizing it, he tentatively raised his hand to Max' back. When she didn't shrink away, he moved closer to her and put both arms around her small frame. She remained in her same position and continued to sob at first. Eventually she sank into his arms and let him hold her more firmly.  
  
The file had not affected Alec when he first read it all those months ago. He knew perfectly well what Manticore was capable of after the six months he had spent in Psyche Ops. They wanted to see if he was as crazy as his twin but it was a wonder that after what they did to him during those six months, he didn't end up being even more insane than 493. Alec never thought about the file again until he heard what Max' was screaming at Quincy when she was beating the shit out of him. When he'd first read that file it had simply been black and white. He didn't have a face to go with 'the subject.' But now that face was crying into his chest. He'd never wished that Manticore hadn't been burned down before. But now he did. He wished it were still there so that he could walk into that facility and rip the hearts out of every sick fucker who worked there and caused Max so much pain.  
  
"What?" Alec asked softly. He was so caught up in his own thoughts he hadn't heard what Max had whispered.  
  
"I forgot." She said a little more audibly.  
  
"Forgot what?"  
  
Max slowly disentangled herself from Alec and looked at him. "I hadn't remembered what had happened that night until I saw Quincy. While I was still at Manticore, I made myself forget."  
  
"That's always been our way, Max." Alec said softly and absently pushed a strand of hair from her face. "It's how we survived. If we didn't make ourselves forget the things they did to us or the things they made us do, we'd go insane. End up down in the basement muzzled in restraints with the rest of the anomalies that didn't have the presence of mind to block everything out."  
  
"But I remember now, Alec. I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to forget and I want to so bad. I don't know how to live with all these feelings that memory brought back with it."  
  
"I know what you mean." Alec said sadly.  
  
Max' searched Alec's eyes and she saw exactly what she needed to see. He did understand. He knew exactly how she felt. Max knew what she needed now more than anything, not pity or sympathy. She needed what she saw in Alec's eyes. Empathy. They were both Manticore survivors.  
  
"Hey Maxie." Alec gently gripped both sides of her face with his hands. "You're going to be okay. We both are. And I know I'm no expert on how to live life, but I know dwelling on the past is not the way. We have to focus on the future. I know how much you want to sit up here and escape, but the future is down there, Max." Alec stood up and held out his hand. "What do you say, we go face it."  
  
Max looked at Alec's outstretched hand. She slowly raised hers. Just before she took Alec's hand she looked into his eyes.  
  
"Together."  
  
"Of course." Alec said with his classic nod and smirk.  
  
Max gave a small smile and took Alec's hand.  
  
  
  
AN: I was going to end it here because I wasn't sure if people would like this, and I didn't want to waste my time writing something that nobody liked. But thanks to all the wonderful reviews, I'll continue. I know the end of this chapter took on a whole M/A thing, but I'm still going to try and avoid any shipperness in this story. 


	7. 7

AN: I'm trying to avoid any kind of shipperness in this story but that'll probably wind up being impossible. I'm thinking that initially, Max will turn to Alec in her confusion because of what happened to her, but ultimately I think I'm going to make her end up with Logan.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Quincy slowly buttoned his shirt. His body was still achy from the pounding he took earlier. She really did a number on me. He thought as he noticed how his fingers were shaking. I had it coming, though. The moment he saw her in Logan's apartment he knew who she was. How could he forget? It sickened him to see how quickly her face had gone from merriment to impenetrable horror. I caused that. In Manticore they did things to make you forget or make you not care and he imagined that most of the others had done just that. But he couldn't. Her face had haunted him for a long time afterwards.  
  
Manticore  
  
Your orders are as follow, prevent 452 from escaping the cell. Once she is subdued, rape her and then report to room 203 for debriefing.  
  
Quincy, well then he was X5-698, was a bit taken aback by this new assignment. He didn't show his bewilderment but he felt it. He didn't know why he was surprised by the matter of fact way Stuart ordered them to rape 452. He had been ordered to murder just as nonchalantly. But for some reason this didn't sit well with him. Maybe because murder, at least as far as the missions he drew, was always impersonal. He could be hundreds of yards away and take out a target with one pinch of a trigger. Sometimes he didn't even see the body drop if his orders were to take the target out with a bomb. Even when he had to snap a person's neck or use a knife, they were taught to do it very quickly. He guessed that made it easier too. 1..2…3…done. But rape. That was different. It couldn't be done from a far and no matter how quick, he had a feeling it would still be long enough. Enough for what…he wasn't sure.  
  
"Now men, this is a highly unconventional mission. As you all know 452 had been rogue for half her life. We've tried several other attempts to remind her of her purpose as a soldier, but the corruption of the outside world is too embedded in her. She's far too independent and lost in the belief that she controls her own life. She has to be broken and stripped of this belief."  
  
If Quincy wasn't entirely convinced this assignment was strange before, he was completely convinced now. Stuart was explaining the background and reasoning behind the assignment. As far as he knew, that had never been done before to them. They were given their orders with no elaboration and were expected to ask no questions.  
  
The oddity of the whole situation was making 698 really wish he hadn't been one of the Xs selected for this mission.  
  
"Is that understood solders?"  
  
"Yes Sir!" 698 replied as loudly as the others beside him.  
  
1  
  
2 Present  
  
After Manticore burned down, he never thought he'd see her again much less have to ask for her help. After he finished dressing, he zipped up his backpack. He knew now that he'd have to rescue Karen alone.  
  
Logan stared at the door to Quincy's room. He had been sitting in the Aztec, gripping the steering wheel tightly for the past five minutes. The person who could lead him to the cure that he and Max had searched for months for was right behind that door, yet Logan couldn't bring himself to get out of the car. Even though Max had told him moments before that she was fine and that she wanted to help rescue the doctor, he couldn't forget the side of Max he had seen tonight. Logan wasn't stupid or naïve. He knew Quincy was the cause of both the fear and the rage Max had shown earlier tonight. He had no idea what had happened between them. Max hadn't told him. Logan only knew what he had seen tonight. Both times Quincy and Max were together, Max had reacted completely out of character. She fled the first time and the second time she had attacked him without any provocation on his part. Logan had been utterly confused by her actions and the only thing his mind could come up with to clear away some of the confusion was that Quincy had somehow hurt Max. He didn't know the how, the what, the where, or the when about it but it was the only thing that came close to explaining what he had seen. And if the man behind the door he was staring at had hurt Max, how could he possibly keep from wanting to kill him let alone work with him.  
  
But maybe he was wrong to assume that Quincy had hurt Max. After all, when he had first mentioned him, Max gave no indication that she knew him. Maybe her reactions to Quincy were the result of some leftover subliminal messages Manticore had imbedded in her subconscious. They had done it before with Zack. Everything had been fine and dandy with him until something suddenly triggered in his brain that made him try to kill Eyes Only. It was possible that Quincy was just some poor sap Manticore slapped a target on and Max was picked to be his assassin. Her behavior towards Quincy had been completely erratic just like Zack's had been.  
  
Yeah, that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. Logan thought to himself and began to relax. A part of his brain told him he only wanted to believe that so he could feel right about working with Quincy to save the doctor and get a cure. But instead of listening to that part of his brain, he got out the car. 


	8. 8

Chapter 8  
  
Alec looked up from the diagram he was studying and glanced over at Max. She was still standing by the table concentrating on the map spread out before her. She had been switching her focus from the map she was now looking at to several other pictures and diagrams of the Red's compound for the past thirty minutes.  
  
Alec recognized the studious manner in which she surveyed the maps and the determined posture her entire body had taken. She was in full on Manticore soldier mode. Every fiber of her being was focused on the mission at hand.  
  
Alec couldn't stop his feeling of awe. Less than an hour ago, he had pulled a shaky and teary-eyed Max from top of the space needle. She'd agreed to come back to Logan's and continue with the plan to rescue the doctor. When Alec had reminded her that Quincy was going to be there, the mix of terror and hatred that emerged on Max face convinced Alec that she wouldn't go through with it. But she surprised him. She took a deep breath, inhaling all traces of emotion and weakness and exhaled a new facial expression that was completely blank.  
  
Alec's thoughts were interrupted when he heard the front door opening. He quickly looked over at Max to see if she would falter in her steely resolve. She neither flickered at the sound of the door or the appearance of Quincy in the room.  
  
"Max, Alec, everything okay." Logan said slowly once he entered the room, his face doused with worry.  
  
"Fine." Max said looking up quickly at Logan and than returning her attentions to the map just as quickly.  
  
Logan stared at Max' bent head for several moments before looking at Alec who was glaring at Quincy who was staring at the floor. What the hell is going on? Logan thought to himself. An hour ago, he had gotten a call from Alec saying that he had found Max and that she was fine now. Alec told him to pick up Quincy and head back to his apartment where they'd all meet up to plan their attack on the Reds. After several minutes of near begging, Alec had reluctantly put Max on the phone.  
  
"I'm fine Logan."  
  
"But Max—"  
  
"We can talk about it later. Right now rescuing the doctor is the most important thing. I'll see you back at your place."  
  
Click  
  
Logan had no choice but to accept that. He had never heard so much coldness in her voice before. It had briefly crossed his mind that Alec was playing a trick on him by putting some other woman on the phone pretending to be Max.  
  
Ironically, Logan was pulled from his thoughts of what happened earlier that night by the unnatural silence that filled the room. Max' eyes remained on the documents on the table. Quincy continued to stare at the floor. The only change was Alec who was now staring at Max. His glare had turned to an expression of…concern?  
  
He knows. Why won't she tell me? Logan thought to himself.  
  
"We should move out tonight." It was Max who broke the silence.  
  
Logan noticed that she was using the same cold voice he had heard earlier over the phone.  
  
"Alec, you'll enter the facility through this pipe junction near the rear of the compound." Max said and pointed to a spot on the diagram. Alec nodded after joining her by the table. "Quincy, you enter here." Having no choice but to avert his eyes from the floor, he hesitantly walked towards the table and stopped several feet from it. He also nodded when he saw where Max was pointing.  
  
Max continued to drone out orders. Logan couldn't help but be impressed with her thoroughness. She told them step by step where they would go, where they would meet up, what tasks they would each have, and plans A through D of how to counter certain scenarios they might face along the way. As she spoke, Alec and Quincy continued to inch closer to Max until they were both standing on either side of her nodding or answering an affirmative while looking at the different diagrams. This is what they were designed for. This is what Lydecker dreamed. Logan thought as he watched in wonder. He had seen X5s in the planning stages of a mission when they had first decided to take down Manticore. But back then, emotions had still run pretty high. They were proficient and attentive but Logan noticed the occasional glances of disgust and hatred Max and the others shot at Lydecker or conversely the smiles that would pass between Max and him when they'd make eye contact every once in a while.  
  
But this?  
  
Max had almost killed Quincy upon seeing him a few hours ago. His face and neck still bore the bruises of her assault on him. This was the first time, they had seen each other since then and yet not a word about it was spoken. Mr. smart, smirking, ass-Alec had not rolled his eyes in boredom or giving one of his namesake smart-ass comments yet either. And Max? She made Zack look like a girl-scout troop leader compared to her conduct as a C.O. Logan was convinced that this was the most incredible thing he had ever seen.  
  
"Logan." Max said again. Logan quickly looked at Max when he realized she was calling him. He resisted the urge to say "Yes Sir."  
  
"You'll let us out here." Again Max pointed to the map. "And pick us up here. You can park either here or here when you're hacking into the facility's mainframe. That should give you enough cover. Wait at least five minutes after you've shut off the electricity before driving to the pick up point because you'll be pretty exposed there." Logan followed suit with the other two X5s and simply nodded.  
  
"Any questions?" Max added.  
  
Yeah! What have you done with the Max I know and love? Logan thought but only shook his head mimicking Alec and Quincy.  
  
****  
  
They drove in absolute silence. Logan tried to concentrate solely on the road in front of him but he couldn't keep his eyes from casting furtive glances to each of the soldiers in the car with him. Max stared out of the window with the same blank expression that she had been displaying since back at his apartment. Sitting next to her in the back was an unnaturally brooding Alec. In the front seat, a rigid Quincy sat. He kept his eyes either straight ahead or in his lap.  
  
So did you hear the one about the rabbi and the duck? Logan figured he'd probably only get annoyed glares from three sets of eyes if he said that aloud. But what really kept him from trying to lighten the mood was the fear that they wouldn't react to him at all. They would continue to ignore him and each other as if he hadn't spoken.  
  
Logan decided to remain silent as well. He wanted to focus on what they were about to do but his mind kept trying to figure out what was wrong with Max. Logan had been hanging onto his subliminal message theory since he had picked up Quincy, but too many things were working against it.  
  
For one, Quincy had seemed genuinely shocked after Logan told him that Max still wanted to help. If he was an innocent in this strange web why would he be shocked? Shouldn't he be demanding answers for Max' behavior toward him? The whole ride to his apartment, Logan wanted to question Quincy but he held back trusting everything would be resolved when they all were in the same room again. Of course that didn't happen. Max and Alec had been as weird as ever once they returned to his apartment. And now the tension in the car was so thick, Logan thought he was going to suffocate. Logan took another quick glance at each of them before throwing his theory out the window. The only thing left was the one he dreaded. The man sitting next to him had hurt Max.  
  
  
  
The silence continued for the rest of the drive, and although what they were about to do was extremely dangerous, Logan couldn't help but feel relieved upon arriving at the compound. Once he parked the car, Logan looked up in his rear view mirror hoping to see Max' eyes staring back at him. He was disappointed. Max quickly got out of the car and the other Xs followed.  
  
"Good luck." Logan whispered out of the window to Max.  
  
Max gave a quick nod, her face still blank. "We'll meet you at the pick up point in twenty minutes." She added confidently.  
  
Logan watched as the three figures took off in different directions towards the compound. When he couldn't see Max anymore he sighed and opened his laptop.  
  
  
  
Logan cursed softly and then peered into the night again. The compound was brightly lit and there was no sign of any of them. The electricity was supposed to be off for at least five minutes. Logan was able to switch off the main power and the back up generator but apparently the compound had a back up for their back up because the power had come back on after two minutes.  
  
Logan's fingers flew on the keys as he opened the different files and schematics pertaining to the compound. The sound of his watch alarm echoed throughout the car and nearly gave him a heart attack. Their twenty minutes was up. Logan scanned the night again. His breathing had become shallow and perspiration had formed on his upper lip. Calm down, Logan. They know what they're doing. He thought to himself. He hadn't heard any gunfire so he guessed that was a good thing. Logan leaned forward and grabbed the ignition key when he saw the first sign of movement to the right of his car. Before he could confirm whether or not it was a person, two figures emerged from the wooded area to his left. It was Quincy and the doctor. Logan started the car. Alec and Max were the shadowy figures Logan had first seen and they reached the car before Quincy and the doctor did. As soon as all four doors were closed, Logan sped off.  
  
AN: Sorry I don't go into to details about the doctor's rescue. I'm more interested in getting this story finished and her rescue is a detail that I feel is not important enough to the story that I have to spend hours or days thinking of action scenes for it. 


	9. 9

Chapter 9  
  
"Can you believe it? This nightmare's almost over." Logan grinned.  
  
"Yeah. Hard to believe." Max said softly. Logan felt his grin fading. She wouldn't look at him. She'd been standing here, staring out his window since they'd gotten back from the Red's facility. Alec had volunteered to go and get food for everyone. Quincy and Karen were recuperating in the guest bedroom. From Logan's explanations Karen knew immediately what virus Max had been infected with. She was also confident she could concoct the right treatment for it. In exchange for her help, Logan would provide her and Quincy with new identities, money, and a way out of the country. He was thrilled but Max still seemed distant. She was no longer in GI Jane mode and he thanked God for that, but she still wasn't her usual self.  
  
"Um…I'm going to take Karen to Dr. Carr's first thing tomorrow morning. They spoke on the phone and Sam said he had everything she needed. Karen said she could probably have something by tomorrow afternoon. All we have to do is give her some blood samples." Max nodded her eyes still fixed on the outside of his window. "Max?"  
  
Max had been avoiding looking at Logan because she feared what he might see if he looked in her eyes. She wasn't ready to tell him what had happened to her back at Manticore. She was also afraid that if she looked into his blue depths that were always so welcoming and patient to her, she would break down again. But she knew she had to look at him now. He hadn't pushed her to open up once during all this craziness that she was responsible for. But she could tell by the way he'd just said her name that he was done being patient. He wanted answers. She couldn't give them to him so instead she pulled her emotions deep inside herself and looked up at him. She was even able to put on a small smile.  
  
"I can swing by Dr. Carr's before work and give a blood sample."  
  
Logan was about to ask Max what was wrong but the fact that she was both looking at him and smiling threw him off. "Great." Logan said. But suddenly Max' smile faded, her body became rigid, and her eyes darkened. Logan almost stepped back but then he noticed that she wasn't looking at him. He turned and saw Karen and Quincy standing by the sliding doors that separated the computer room and the hall.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt. But there's something else I wanted to tell you about this virus cure." Karen said nervously when Max and Logan had noticed them.  
  
"No problem. Please have a seat." Logan motioned towards the sofa. Just then the front door shut and Logan knew Alec had returned with the food. He was never overly excited to see Alec but he was very happy that he picked that moment to arrive. Logan could feel the tension beginning to build in the room before Alec had entered with a box of pizza. "Great timing. We could discuss it over dinner."  
  
"I'm not real hungry so I'm gonna bounce. I'll call you later and you can fill me in then, okay." Max said coldly before grabbing her jacket and dashing out the door.  
  
Alec yawned and stretched dramatically. "Yeah, I sure am pooped too. I'm just gonna go." Alec turned to leave. He took a step before turning back and grabbing a slice a pizza. He then left hurriedly to catch up with Max. Logan stared at the closed door somewhat baffled. Years of training in social etiquette also left him a little embarrassed over the sudden, rude departure of two of his friends. Logan turned to Quincy and Karen to apologize but stopped when he saw that Quincy's head was down and Karen was rubbing his back in a reassuring manner.  
  
She knows too. Logan thought. What did you do to her? Logan's embarrassment fizzled as his eyes narrowed on Quincy.  
  
Max couldn't be in the same room with him. During the mission to rescue the doctor from the Reds, it had been different. She was able to reign in all her emotions and get the job done. That was something she had been trained to do since birth. But now the mission was over. She wasn't a soldier anymore. She could no longer look at Quincy as a necessary comrade for the success of the mission. Now when she looked at him, all she saw was his face the way it had hovered over her that night and she could feel rage bubbling up inside her.  
  
"Hey Max wait up." Alec called to her just as she reached her bike.  
  
"Alec" Max said while climbing on her bike.  
  
"Where you headed?"  
  
"Home. Why?"  
  
"Thought maybe we could hang. You know, go to Crash. Shoot some pool. Celebrate this virus bitch going down. Forget our troubles." Alec's grinned turned serious on the last activity.  
  
Max knew Alec was trying to cheer her up but she wasn't sure if she felt comfortable with Alec suddenly considering her feelings. The last thing she wanted was for anybody to feel sorry for her or feel the need to tip toe around her. Max continued to study Alec. Maybe it wasn't all for her benefit. Maybe Alec wanted someone to hang out with who had just as many things to forget as he did. Max smiled.  
  
"Hop on." Yeah, it would be nice to forget our troubles for a while. Max smiled again as she revved up her Ninja.  
  
  
  
Logan looked at his watch and then at the phone. He had paged Max two hours ago and still hadn't heard from her. Karen and Quincy had gone back to the hotel shortly after dinner leaving Logan alone to reflect on all that had happened this past day. It was torturing him to have to sit through dinner with the pair and not ask them what had happened. He was positive they knew. But for some reason, he felt it would be a betrayal to Max if he didn't hear her side of the story first. He had been confident that she would tell him everything when she was ready. But as the minutes ticked on and still no word from her, his confidence began to wane.  
  
The next morning, Logan woke up to his back's screaming muscles. He was surprised to see that he had fallen asleep on his couch with the phone still in his hand. He slowly got up and stretched. He couldn't feel them but he knew his legs would be marked with welts from sleeping in the exoskeleton. Logan walked stiffly over to his answering machine, hoping to see a blinking red light. No such luck. Logan sighed and paged Max again before heading to the bathroom to take a shower.  
  
Dr. Sam Carr looked up from his clipboard just as Max entered the hospital. When she saw him, he nodded to her and motioned for her to wait in the unoccupied office by the nurse's station. Sam, a friend to Logan and a supporter of Eyes Only, knew the need for secrecy when dealing with Max.  
  
After a brief conversation with a nurse regarding one of his patients, Sam went to speak with Max.  
  
"You must be feeling pretty good." Sam said as he entered the office. "This virus business finally over and done with."  
  
"Hopefully." Max said trying her best to sound cheerful.  
  
"Let's see, I set Dr. Parker up in the lab downstairs. Room B12. None of the other doctors use it, the newer doctors don't even know it's there." Sam added with a chuckle. Max gave another fake smile.  
  
"So…um…just take the elevator all the way down to the basement level." Sam had expected Max to head out the moment she heard where Karen was set up so he was surprised to see her still standing there looking unsure of herself. "She just needs a blood sample right."  
  
"Uh…yeah. About that. Do you think, maybe, you can just take one from me and give it to her?"  
  
"I could Max, but I have an appointment that truth by told I'm a little late for now. Dr. Parker is already set up." Max nodded but still didn't move. "If you don't mind waiting an hour—"  
  
Max held up her hand. "No, it's okay."  
  
"Are you sure?" Sam asked becoming more confused by Max' strange behavior.  
  
"Yeah. B12 right." Max hastily moved for the door. "Thanks Sam." She added before heading out.  
  
Max took a deep breath in an effort to get herself under control. Since when are you afraid of dark, dank places? Max chastised herself as she moved through the corridor that connected the basement of the main hospital to the basement of a hospital wing that was to be renovated. The project had been abandoned after the pulse.  
  
The corridor led into what probably would have been a small lounge for the doctors and scientists to rest and eat. There were three doors leading to different rooms. Max went to the one marked B12 and took another deep breath before knocking.  
  
Dr. Karen Parker opened the door immediately and smiled at Max.  
  
"Hello Max. Dr. Carr called down a moment ago and said you'd be on your way." She said amiably and stepped aside to let Max enter.  
  
Instead of going in, Max looked past the doctor in an effort to scan the room.  
  
"Quincy's not here." Karen said in a serious voice. Max' eyes shot to Karen's. She was completely taken off guard that Karen knew exactly why Max was apprehensive about entering the lab. "It's okay. We're alone." Her voice was softer and also lined with sadness.  
  
Max felt her heart tug, but she quickly became unimpressed with the doctor's sincerity. She then rolled her eyes and walked past Karen into the lab.  
  
"Look Max. I know what happened to you back at Manticore."  
  
"Congratulations." Max said indifferently  
  
Karen sighed. She didn't think it would help or change things but for some reason she had to tell Max her side.  
  
"I met Quincy after he had been badly wounded during a live ammunition drill. He was in recovery and under heavy anesthesia when he started talking in his sleep. I had witnessed this several times before so it wasn't the fact that he was talking in his sleep that drew me to him. It might have been because I was the only one in the room with him at that time."  
  
Max' posture began to relax as she saw the doctor slipping into her memory of meeting Quincy. She had been two words away from rudely interrupting the doctor and making her take her blood so she could get the hell out of here. But she let the part of her that was actual curious about the people involved in this whole mess win out. The doctor continued.  
  
"But I think it was the pain in his voice that made me sit down at his bedside. He kept saying 'that's enough, she's had enough' over and over again. The pain in his voice, the tears running down his face, it really got to me so I went through his chart. His injury was something that shouldn't have happened. He was a good soldier. He had an unblemished record. He was flawless in his performance during every drill. Yet this routine and fairly simple exercise landed him in the infirmary. The chart said that once he recovered, he was to be taken to solitary for his poor performance due to lack of concentration. I knew it would be the end of my career at Manticore, if it got out that I was paying special attention to any of the prototypes. But I couldn't stop myself. I made sure I was the last one to leave the infirmary so that I could spend time at his bedside while he recovered. I wiped his tears away during his nightmares. I even held his hand. Four days later, he was moved to another area. It was about two weeks before I saw him again. I happened to be in the infirmary when they brought him in. He'd been hurt but it wasn't as bad as last time. He hadn't been conscious once during the time I'd first took care of him so when he was brought in that second time, I fully intended to just patch him up and send him on his way. But when I finished bandaging his knee, I looked up at him and saw a sadness that I knew was a result of those nightmares. Before I could stop myself, I asked him what had happened."  
  
Max couldn't contain her look of surprise that a Manticore doctor actually had a conscience and that she let that conscience put her career in jeopardy by fraternizing with the lab rats.  
  
"Of course at first he feigned ignorance but…I don't know…maybe it was the look in my eyes…but for some reason he felt he could trust me. We talked and he told me everything. I had been hired for my background in anesthesiology. Eventually I was brought on to certain projects involving research in bio warfare. For the most part, I was kept in the dark about the methods they used for reindoctrination or information extraction. So naturally, I was pretty shocked and disgusted about what he had told me.  
  
"If you were so shocked and disgusted, why didn't you quit?" Max said not trying to hide the disdain in her voice.  
  
"Besides fearing for my life, I didn't want to leave Quincy. There was something there from the first time we spoke. We became involved not too long after. If Manticore hadn't been burned down, I think we would have escaped together eventually."  
  
. "Why are you telling me all this?" Max had heard enough of Karen's sob story. "Do you want me to go to Quincy and tell him I'm cool with him so the two of you can go off and lead a guilt free existence together?"  
  
"No. I'm just trying to tell you that you don't need to be afraid—"  
  
"I'm not afraid of anyone." Max said sharply.  
  
"Fine. It's such that I see the way you look at Quincy and I just wish you wouldn't take out your feelings on what they made them do to you on him."  
  
Max clenched her jaw and hissed out. "Instead of telling me what I think or how I feel, why don't you just do what I came here for you to do and take my blood."  
  
Karen opened her mouth to protest but was stopped by the fury in Max' eyes. She always considered herself a fairly gutsy chick but she wasn't brave enough to further antagonize an angry X5. "Fine." She said before quickly turning to get a syringe and test tube.  
  
The two women remained silent during the entire process of taking Max' blood. Max was perfectly content with walking out the moment the doctor finished but as she headed to the door, Karen's voice halted her.  
  
"One more thing."  
  
Max turned slowly with her hand on her hip ready to assault the doctor verbally.  
  
"It's about the virus." The doctor clarified quickly. "The treatments should be ready in a couple of hours."  
  
"Treatments?"  
  
"Yes, one for you and one for Logan. Yours will attack the virus until it is completely eradicated. Logan's will build up enough antibodies in him in case there are small traces of the virus left in you. The entire process will take approximately five to six days. I'd wait a whole week just to be on the safe side."  
  
"Got it. Anything else." Max said  
  
The doctor shook her head. "I'll be in touch once I've got something."  
  
Max gave a quick nod then turned and left.  
  
Max was just about to enter the corridor back to the main building when she saw a shadow. Max debated on whether or not to head back to the doctor's office, but before she could decide, a figure emerged in the lounge area. It was Logan.  
  
"Logan." Max breathed, the relief evident.  
  
Logan looked at her perplexed. "Did I…scare…you?" She definitely looked like she had been frightened. But it was almost impossible to creep up on Max let alone scare her if you did.  
  
"Don't be silly. I…ugh…just…what brings you here?"  
  
"Same as you." Logan motioned to the bandage on Max's arm. "Figured I'd let Karen get all set up when I first dropped her off earlier."  
  
"Right. Well, she's in there. I'll let you get to it."  
  
"Max wait." Why does she keep avoiding me? Logan questioned to himself. "I called you last night. Why didn't you return my phone calls?"  
  
"Oh. I didn't get home till real late. Alec wanted to hang out. You know, celebrate the whole mission accomplished thing."  
  
"Oh. So you went out to celebrate…with Alec. I'm glad."  
  
"It was no big deal. Look, I really have to get to work. Only so long before Normal makes good on his threats and actually fires me. I'll call you later."  
  
"Sure. Or you can stop by or I'll call you." Logan tried to stop himself from sounding so pathetic and desperate, but it wasn't working.  
  
Max nodded and hurried away, leaving Logan alone to stare after her  
  
  
  
AN: Sorry M/A shippers but I definitely know where I want to go with this story and I'm sure it's going to be a M/L thing. But to kind of satisfy both sides, most of the exchanges will take place with Max and Alec. He is going to be real instrumental in helping Max cope. But ultimately Max is going to want to be with Logan.  
  
Also to the person who wanted to know why Max was the CO; Max and Quincy have just as much at stake for this mission but Max has a history with the Reds so she knows more of how to handle them. But the main reason Max was in charge was because her whole attitude became completely Manticore so much so that I wanted to make it seem like Alec and Quincy were both kind of afraid of her or afraid to disagree or question her in anyway. Hope that made sense. 


	10. 10

Chapter 10  
  
"It'll still ring if you turn away."  
  
Logan looked up and saw Asha standing in the hall entrance. "What?"  
  
"You've been staring at the phone for the past five minutes. Probably the reason you didn't even know I was here till just now.  
  
"Oh…sorry."  
  
"S'right. I've already gone through your safe and put your TV and VCR in my car." Asha said nonchalantly.  
  
"You've got a car."  
  
"Joke Logan. Geez, what's got you stuck on stupid."  
  
"I was just waiting for Max to call me." Logan said glumly.  
  
"What's wrong? I thought you'd be on cloud nine since this virus thing is almost done."  
  
"Humph." Logan mumbled  
  
"Tell me."  
  
"She won't talk to me. I've called her countless times these last four days and when I do get a hold of her, the conversation never lasts more than two minutes. I don't understand why she's avoiding me now."  
  
"Why don't you ask her?"  
  
"I plan to if I can get in touch with her much less get her to say more than five words to me. "  
  
"Why don't you go see her. That way, she won't be able to hang up."  
  
Logan shrugged. "Don't know where she is."  
  
"You're in luck. I just came from Crash and she was there. If you leave right now, you can probably catch her."  
  
A grin spread across Logan's face. He quickly got up and headed towards the front door. "Oh Asha, sorry…what is that you came to see me for?"  
  
"Go Logan." Asha said sternly.  
  
"You sure."  
  
"Yeah, it can wait." She added with a smile.  
  
Max watched as Sketchy and Original Cindy battled in a game of foosball. Every once in a while she'd look casually over at the man sitting next to her and smile. The times when Alec would notice, he'd always return her smile.  
  
This was right. This was the way it was supposed to be---here sitting at Crash with her friends.  
  
She came to the realization a day after the treatment for the virus was given to her. She wasn't supposed to be with Logan. Last year, she was given a brief glimpse of what life would offer being with that beautiful man and maybe things would be different if she had seized the opportunity then before she had ruined everything.  
  
She remembered the way Logan had started looking at her after the whole Ben thing. He'd finally seen what she really was. It hurt to see that look in his eyes but instead of walking away; she kept sticking herself in his life. Could she have been more clueless? Did she actually think that someone who murdered her own brother deserved any kind of happiness? Not being able to see Logan was the perfect reproof for her crime. But she didn't walk away from him and so fate stepped in and took her away. She was whisked back to Manticore to be punished for killing Ben and for making Logan think he could love someone like her. And boy was she punished. But damn it if there wasn't a bunch of bullheadedness in her cocktail, cause the second she escaped from Manticore who did she run to…Logan. Now enter the virus. Could the message fate was screaming at her have been any clearer--touch Logan and he dies. But did Max listen? Of course not. She convinced Logan and herself that they could beat this thing. They conned themselves into thinking there was hope. And fate was a spiteful bitch for that one. They were given a temporary cure only to have it ruined by yet another renegade Manticore creation which surprise, surprise, was also her fault that they were let out in the first place.  
  
Now they had an actual cure, but Max wasn't deluding herself anymore. She'd finally figured it all out. It was not a coincidence that Quincy was the man who delivered the promise of a cure. She knew fate was reminding her of what had happened and what could happen again if she didn't get the message this time. She couldn't be angry because at least Logan's life wasn't in danger if she accidentally bumped into him or something.  
  
Yes, everything finally made sense and thank goodness. Since figuring it all out she had slipped into a wonderful sense of calmness. She was perfectly content to spend the days at Jam Pony like she used to and the nights at Crash with her pals. Of course she also knew that fate wasn't letting her off completely. Her crimes were far too great. That's why Alec was in her life now. When she first met him he was assigned to be her breeding partner. That right there should have brought her to the realization that she only recently came to. Having to mate with a man identical to the one she murdered with her bare hands, trumpeted fate's decree that she didn't deserve anything but misery for what she had done. But she had been deaf then. When Alec came back into her life after the escape, he had been nothing but trouble. But these last few days he had been different and she knew exactly why. By giving up Logan and realizing her place, fate had decided to go easy on her. Alec was being sweet and helpful and she had to admit she really liked having him around. Every time he smiled at her, it was like she was being forgiven for what she had done to Ben.  
  
Max turned and looked at Alec again, hoping to get one of his smiles. He obliged.  
  
"You okay." He asked.  
  
"Great. Why?" Max answered.  
  
"You've been kinda quiet."  
  
"Just thinking."  
  
"Always a good thing." Alec said before finishing off the last of his beer.  
  
"Alec."  
  
"Yeah Max."  
  
"You ever think about leaving Seattle." Alec shrugged. "I mean with White on our tails and all these rumors buzzing around about mutants and Manticore, it's only a matter of time before the shit hits the fan."  
  
Alec looked at Max with a quizzical expression. "I haven't given it much thought."  
  
"You'd tell me though, right."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You wouldn't just disappear. You'd let me know if you decided to leave."  
  
Alec couldn't help but be puzzled with Max' line of questioning. He was also touched because it seemed like she was basically saying that she didn't want him to leave her.  
  
"Of course I would Max. I could never just leave my favorite Manticore Alum." Max' eyes darkened at Alec's choice of words making Alec curse himself for saying that last part. Alec knew Max would probably be solemn for the rest of the night and it was his fault. Alec searched his brain and instantly thought of the perfect thing to brighten her mood.  
  
"Hey Max, I'm kinda done with Crash what do you say we go race."  
  
"Race what?"  
  
"Your Ninja. I know a place in sector 12 where that's all they do. They've got gas and they're always looking for fresh meat to leave in their dust. Of course they've probably never raced against a genetically engineered vixen before."  
  
"How much could I win?"  
  
"Oh you'd clean up. They won't know what hit them."  
  
"Let's do it." Max said with a grin. She and Alec then made their way over the Sketchy and O.C. and said their good-byes.  
  
Logan pulled into the lot across the street from Crash. He was half way out of the car when he saw Max on her bike and Alec climbing on behind her. He then watched as they rode off into the night. Logan continued to stare down the street after them too stunned to move.  
  
  
  
AN: I really want to portray Max' feelings about the rape realistically. But it's hard making her react like a "normal" woman would because she's so not. But I read that a lot of rape victims believe that being raped was a punishment for something they had done in the past. I figured this would be a good chance to work out some Ben issues that the show FINALLY decided to bring up. 


	11. 11

Chapter 11  
  
"Hey Logan." Original Cindy spoke casually into the phone. When she looked up, Max was shaking her head at O.C. "Ugh…no she's not here. I'll tell her you called."  
  
Max let out a sigh of relief then turned her attention back to the magazine she had been flipping through.  
  
"All right, Original Cindy only has so much patience when it comes to keeping her nose out of her boo's business. I've run out, you have got to tell me what's up with you and Logan."  
  
"I already told you. The treatment is going to take a week to kick in."  
  
"Yeah but that doesn't explain why you won't talk to the man in the mean time. I am sick and tired of hearing your pager go off during all hours of the night. Not to mention, the many times Original Cindy has had to lie to your boy. You ain't here. You're in the shower. You just went to bed. What is up?"  
  
Max shrugged. She really didn't want to get into this, especially since she hadn't told O.C. that it was over between her and Logan. She wanted to tell Logan first but not until the virus was gone. She didn't think a final hug goodbye was asking for too much.  
  
O.C. took a deep breath and then sat down in front of Max. Max continued to flip through the magazine while O.C. stared at her. "Max." Original Cindy said in a serious tone while taking the magazine from Max.  
  
Max knew where this was going. In the past whenever O.C. tried to get Max to talk about the rape, Max would give her a pleading look with her eyes that said she wasn't ready. O.C. always understood and quickly changed the subject.  
  
Max gave O.C. the look but it didn't work this time.  
  
"Look Max, I know you haven't told Logan what happened to you. But I don't understand why you keep avoiding him."  
  
"I'm not avoiding him. I told you. We still can't touch until—"  
  
"The treatment kicks in. Yeah I know. But Max, before there even was a treatment, you two saw each other nearly everyday or at least talked on the phone. I know the real reason you've been avoiding Logan—"  
  
"O.C., I really don't—"  
  
"I know you don't, sugar. All I'm saying is that Logan has no idea what's going on with you. What do you think is going to happen in two days when you two can finally touch? I'll tell you. You're going to find some other reason why you can't be around Logan because the problem is not the virus anymore, boo. You and I both know what the real problem is."  
  
Max shook her head and made a move to get up from the couch but Cindy gently took Max' hand halting her effort.  
  
"The sooner you face it the better off you'll be." Max stared into her friend's eyes as she continued. "You know Logan. You can trust Logan. He'll be there for you." O.C. finished.  
  
"And why should he have to be?" Max said, her emotions rushing to the surface. "Why does he have to deal with yet another thing wrong with Max?"  
  
"Max."  
  
"No I'm serious Cindy." Max' eyes flooded with tears. "I don't deserve Logan and he doesn't deserve to be with someone as disgusting as me. First he had to deal with my seizures. Then I had to tell him that three times a year I turn into some sex-crazed freak show." Max was crying as her voice continued to get louder. "Then he finds out that touching me would trigger a disease that would kill him. But I guess that wasn't much different from the fact of knowing me at all was enough to get him killed. And now this. Yet another thing that Manticore did to me to ensure that I'd always have nightmares of that place. How many things does he have to find out about me until he realizes that I don't deserve love? I don't deserve happiness and I sure as hell don't deserve him!"  
  
"Max stop saying these things." O.C. grabbed Max by her upper arms and tried to get her to face her. Max wouldn't look at her.  
  
"It's true. I'm disgusting. I'm nothing but a man-made killer. I deserved what those guys did to me because I'm nothing." Max said through tears.  
  
"Max stop it. That is not true. Look at me!" O.C. shouted, her own eyes filling with tears.  
  
Max slowly faced her friend.  
  
"Max I love you and care about you. So does Logan. So do Joshua and Sketchy…even Alec. You are not disgusting. None of our lives would be anywhere near as full if you weren't in them." Max continued to shake her head. "Max, anybody who looks at you sees a beautiful person. And that's inside and out."  
  
"I don't see that person, Cindy. Not anymore." Max looked down as fresh tears began to flow.  
  
"You will because from now on, you're gonna let all the people who love and care about you be your mirror. I promise you that soon you'll be seeing yourself the way we see you…the way you really  
  
are." O.C. pulled Max into a hug that she knew her girl needed. While still embracing her, Cindy added  
  
"I already know Logan sees what we all see, but if for some reason telling him what happened to you changes that, then it's Logan that doesn't deserve you."  
  
Max let Original Cindy's words roll around in her head for the rest of that day and the next. A few times she even picked up the phone to call Logan, but in the end, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't deserve Logan and she was right to let him go.  
  
Logan had decided to finally get to the bottom of this. If he saw her getting on her motorcycle with Alec again, he'd chase her down. If she slammed a door in his face, he'd break it down. If she turned her back to him and walked away, he'd trip her. Tomorrow the waiting period for the virus cure to take effect was over and tomorrow he'd go see her.  
  
  
  
AN: I'm thinking I can wrap this baby up in two more chapters. 


	12. 12

Chapter 12  
  
Max jumped when she heard the loud pounding at the front door.  
  
"Max, it's Alec."  
  
Max let out a sigh and then rushed over to the door.  
  
"Didn't mean to scare you." Alec said before moving past Max and towards the kitchen. Max opened her mouth to deny being frightened, but quickly shut it knowing that Alec was just as perceptive as she was and therefore immediately recognized the fear Max' body language had conveyed when she opened the door.  
  
"So tomorrow's the big day." Alec said while rummaging through Max' fridge.  
  
"Yeah." Max said unenthusiastically. Alec closed the refrigerator door and looked at Max.  
  
"Max come on. You've been waiting for this for months. What gives?"  
  
Max shrugged.  
  
"Come on." Alec said while putting his arm around her and steering her towards the couch. "Tell your good pal, Alec, all about it." Alec sat down and gently guided Max down next to him.  
  
"I don't deserve, Logan."  
  
"Max."  
  
"It's true. I finally see what Zack, Lydecker, Renfro, and White have been saying all along. I am a Manticore soldier and I should just accept that."  
  
"Max you stopped being Manticore the moment you decided to take control of your life when you escaped that place ten years ago. You had no idea what was out there, all you knew was that the life they planned out for us wasn't good enough. God Max, when I think about what you did…you don't know how much I envy you."  
  
"Doesn't matter that I ran that night. It wasn't far or fast enough. Manticore never really left me during those ten years in the world and they still go me back. "  
  
"You're so much more than Manticore. Sure Manticore made us, they tortured us, they trained us to be killers. But Max, there was always something inside you that Manticore couldn't touch. You never let them win. Not when you were little. Not when they got you back. You are so special, Maxie.  
  
"Yeah right."  
  
"It's true. When I think about what they did to you at Manticore it makes me sick to my stomach." Alec took his arms from around Max and placed his hands in his lap. He studied them before continuing in a quiet voice. "Mostly because I could have been there."  
  
Max looked at Alec in shock  
  
"If I hadn't been in Psyche Ops, I could just as easily been one of the Xs assigned to…to…hurt you. I'd like to think that I wouldn't have gone through with it but I was a true blue Manticore soldier back then. As hard as it is to admit, I would have followed orders."  
  
Max felt her whole body still at the truth and implications of Alec's words. The two remained silent for several minutes before Alec gathered the resolve to continue.  
  
"But you, Max…you never would have done anything you knew was wrong. Why do you think they did that to you? They were out of their minds trying to find ways to break you."  
  
"They succeeded." Max said softly.  
  
"No they didn't. You got out again. Not only that you took down the whole facility."  
  
"But that's only because I used another Manticore trick and made myself forget."  
  
"Exactly Max. That's exactly what I'm talking about. If you had given into the pain of what happened that night, eventually you would have been theirs to mold right back into the solider they wanted you to be. So you did what you had to do to keep that from happening." Alec looked over at Max. He could tell that he was only starting to get to her. She was still a long way from completely accepting what he was saying.  
  
"Don't let this go to your head or anything but I…admire you…a lot….and I…thank you."  
  
"For what?" Max said incredulously.  
  
"I thought I was only Manticore. While I was there that was fine and even when I got out I thought it made me better. But looking at you, seeing all you've gone through and all you've done for others, seeing how Manticore values and lessons have no place in your life, made me realize that Mantcore doesn't define me either. The bar code on my neck doesn't define me. It's like…when you gave me the name Alec, you also gave me the choice of how I want to live my life and what kind of person I want to be." Alec watched as Max' eyes shifted to the side in contemplation. "Please remember that. Remember that Manticore doesn't define you either. It's all up to you, Max." 


	13. 13

Chapter 13 (Last Chapter)  
  
Alec crept over to the couch where Max slept and grabbed his shoes. He watched her shoulders rise and fall as he laced up his sneakers. Alec hadn't planned on staying up the entire night talking with Max. She casually mentioned that O.C. wouldn't be home that night and tried to hide the look in her eyes that said she didn't want to be alone, but Alec caught it. So he made himself comfortable and the two conversed the rest of the night about everything from Original Cindy's wardrobe to why pasta tastes better the day after it's first made. Just before sunrise, Max went into her bedroom and came out with a sweatshirt. "Cold." He had asked her. She had only shrugged. He went into the kitchen to make more coffee to warm her up and wake him up. Meanwhile Max had stretched out on the couch with the sweatshirt and yawned. When Alec had finished getting the coffee she was already fast asleep.  
  
After putting on his sneakers, Alec gently covered Max with the blanket on the back of the couch. She looked like a little girl; which was probably why he felt the need to place a soft kiss on her forehead before leaving.  
  
Logan felt his heart sink as he watched Alec leaving Max' apartment building. It was barely past sunrise, which meant only one thing to Logan. Alec had spent the night there. Logan was about to start the car and turn around but his anger halted him. No more turning away. He was done being passive. He quickly got out of the car and stormed over to her building.  
  
Logan eased open Max' front door. She never knocked on his. Why shouldn't he return the same courtesy? When he saw her sleeping on the couch, his anger was immediately replaced with worry. He rushed over to her and knelt down in front of the couch.  
  
Max never slept unless she was coming down with something or hurt. Logan felt her forehead to see if she had a temperature. She didn't feel warmer than normal and her breathing was even. She certainly didn't look ill. In fact, she looked beautiful. Not that she didn't always look beautiful. But seeing her sleeping, completely vulnerable and peaceful, was such a rare sight, it magnified her beauty ten fold. It almost took his breath away. But then another image popped into his head, and Logan felt his anger returning.  
  
He'd just seen Alec leave, and now here Max was sleeping. Had the two been busy all night? Had Alec tired her out? Logan felt his breakfast creeping up into his throat at the thought and he suddenly felt drained of the strength he had built up for this confrontation. He was about to stand and walk away when he noticed Max clutching something. She was completely snuggled against it, obscuring most of it, but Logan recognized it. It was one of his sweatshirts. He used to wear it a lot during his sessions with Bling. He hadn't even known it was missing. When could she have taken it? Logan thought to himself. It could have been anytime. She was, after all, a genetically engineered cat burglar.  
  
She sleeps with my shirt. A smile tugged at Logan's lips and once again he felt his anger simmering down. Max' sudden whimpering brought him from his musing. Max' whole body began to shudder as tears began pouring down her cheeks. She was still fast asleep. Logan was at first shocked at witnessing Max suddenly slip into a nightmare of this magnitude.  
  
"No." A strained and frightened voice that Logan never thought would be heard from Max' lips echoed in his ears.  
  
"Max…shush…Max, it's okay." Logan whispered while gently rubbing Max' head and shoulders. "It's okay. You're safe. I'm here."  
  
Max' eyes finally flew open. She scrunched her brow in confusion. "Logan?"  
  
"You were having a nightmare."  
  
Max looked down and after a few moments nodded. Fresh tears soon followed.  
  
"Shush." Logan soothed again as he pulled Max up and into his arms.  
  
Logan stroked Max' hair and back as she continued to sob in his arms.  
  
Suddenly Max pulled away and looked at Logan with eyes full of alarm.  
  
"Max, what is it?" Logan said worriedly.  
  
Max was speechless. She slowly lifted her hand and touched the side of Logan's face. Then to Logan's surprise she gave him the biggest most beautiful smile he had ever seen. Logan couldn't help but return her smile. When she put her other hand to the other side of his face, he finally realized why she was suddenly so happy. Logan covered Max' hand with his own and then pulled her head to his with his other hand until their foreheads were touching. Soon their smiles turned to laughter.  
  
"I can't believe it worked." Max said as more tears fell from her eyes. Logan's eyes filled as well.  
  
"It's finally over." He said before pulling her into a hug. Any doubt Logan had about him and Max being together was washed away with their shared tears.  
  
Max knew she had been wrong to think that giving up Logan was the right thing to do. Being in his arms was the right thing. Seeing his face when she first woke up was the right thing. Him holding her after her nightmares was the right thing. Logan was safe. Logan was home. Max' fears about telling Logan about the rape departed as he held her. She would tell him and he wouldn't think any differently of her because of what happened back at Manticore. It wasn't her fault. It was something Manticore had done to try and break her. But Manicore didn't know there was no way they could win and make her one of them again. And it was mainly because of the man whose arms she was in now. Max knew that no matter what had happened or what would happen, their love for each other was going to keep her strong through this bitch.  
  
The End.  
  
  
  
AN: I wanted Max telling Logan about the rape to be the concluding part of the story, but I couldn't think of a way that would actually accomplish this; her telling him and his reaction only lead to more and more chapters in my head. I didn't want to write a story that went on and on forever. I need closure. So I decided that Max and Logan finally being able to touch was a good way to resolve everything. I think when the virus is finally gone, the initial touch between Max and Logan should be so magical and beautiful that any insecurities or jealousies of Logan will disappear as well as any of Max' emotional defenses and hang- ups. That's basically what I was trying to do here. Sorry if I didn't pull it off. But hey, that's why I wrote this long ass author's note to explain my intentions. 


End file.
